All about Nothing
All about Nothing :
Perhaps the most important thing that has happened in my life is the fact that nothing really big or important has ever happened in my life. For example, my parents are still happily married, and nobody really close to me has evr died. All of this is very unfortunate, I am sure, because if one of these things had happened I would have been able to find a topic for this very essay which I am writing very easily, and would not have had such a hard time getting this essay in to my teacher on time. Nor have I rescued a little kitten from a tree, which when I think about it is really unfortunate because then not only would I have had a topic, but I might also have gotten my picture in the "Hillsborough Beacon," or even in the "Somerset Messenger Gazette," which, in the lingo of those in the newspaper business, is the 'big time.' But there is little point in even mentioning these things, because they have not happened, and thus, I am left topicless. I could try to fool you with some far out, totally unbelievable story about how I was in a car wreck involving at least two dozen cars, including the president's limousine, and how despite having broken two legs, an arm, in addition to various other body parts too numerous to mention, I managed to drag myself out of the wrecked car (A job for the Jaws of Life, for sure, had it been any other person but me in that car), and then how I managed to haul all of the other survivors, among them the president himself, out of their cars, and to safety, only moments before a small fire that was caused by the crash reached the gas tank of one of the cars causing a breath-taking chain reaction of explosions and fires seen and heard for miles around I could...but I will not. In fact, I would not have it any other way.
If a highly important meaningful event had happened in my life, the chances are that I would be a completely different person today than the Bill that I am sure you know and love, and probably even worship. It could for example have made me realize how important a proper education is (Do not ask me how.). And, because of this, I could be a diligent hard working student. Thankfully, it didn't and I am not, but the point is, it could have. A scary thought indeed. My parents aren't divorced and do not abuse me, giving me no excuse for bizarre, eccentric, or anti-social behavior, but sometimes I wish they where or did, because then, if they where divorced or did abuse me, I could do anything I wanted knowing full well I could blame everything on them and get off with a mild slap on the wrist if that. But now I am getting off on a tangent that belongs more in a history paper on current events or something like that than in an English paper, so back to my anti-reflective reflective. I have never been subjected to life in a slum, or in the projects, so if I tried to be a "gangsta'" I would be lying to myself, which is something I do not do. I lie to others perhaps, if I can gain anything at all by it, but never to myself. So "gangsta'" is out. Nothing significant ever happened to mold me into the person I am (Except, of course, my own birth, but what I remember about that is not nearly enough to write an essay about.), except nothing at all.
Nothing is perhaps the most important thing that could have happened to me. It made me what I am, an average person in every way. I am not too "cool" or stylish, but neither am I a complete social outcast. I am on of the only people I know who goes to a "real" barber shop, as opposed to a stylist or a salon, and one of even fewer who asks for a short regular every time. (The barber actually knows me quite well, as I've been going there since I was three.) I own only four pairs of shoes, which seems like a lot until you consider the fact that that includes boots, cleats, and dress shoes, which leaves me with only one pair of shoes for school, as opposed to some of my friends with a different pair for each day of the week, and that is only the guys. Do not even get me started on the sheer volume of shoes that the girls own. But I do not walk around with newspapers tied around my feet either. Again, completely average. This is all because nothing has happened in my life.
You, the reader, who I am sure has had many, many important and wildly exiting things happen in your action packed life, most likely are thinking to yourself, "Isn't that kind of boring? That monotonous, uneventful life and all, I mean." My answer to anyone who asks this is, "Sometimes, but then I remember that I don't have to deal with any of the excitement that other people do. Actually its quite relaxing." I really would not want to have anything big happen to me, and would not wish excitement or important events on anybody. Look at Jim Kelly, quarterback of the Buffalo Bills. If he where to write this essay, I am absolutely positive that he would write it about his losing four consecutive Super Bowls, a big thing in anybody's life for sure. This [losing four Super Bowls] has practically ruined his life. He can not go any where in public without somebody reminding him of his great failures, even if they are trying to be nice abouit it, although a great many most likely ae not, and can probably get downright mean. Even if he had won those Super Bowls his life would still be a wreck. Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw, the only quarterbacks ever to win as many Super Bowls as Kelly has lost, still can not go out in public without being mobbed by fans, even though both have long since retired. And although it was most likely fun and exciting to begin with (I find excitement to be much over rated any way.), the novelty of celebrity has most certianly worn off by now, and not being able even to go to the supermarket has most likely turned in to a large pain in the neck. So, as I feel I have just proved, exiting and important events bring nothing good no matter how extremely good or bad they seem to be. This is why I enjoy my average uneventful life. However, as a personal note, if the good and kind reader of this essay would extend the deadline a few years, I could give her a really good reflective essay about the feelings that I have for the people who I have literally and figuratively crushed on my way to power as the Supreme Ruler of the World.
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